Love and a coffee shop

She’s a former homecoming queen with long natural blond hair, a contagious laugh, and startlingly beautiful royal blue eyes. She has an MBA, makes friends easily and just retired from a successful career culminating as Chief Financial Officer. Other people dream of having her life, but she feels alone.

Why? She doesn’t believe that she is pretty enough to attract her dream man. She says, “This isn’t my body. When I am thinner, I will go on a dating site and find my dream man. ” I tell her that any man would be fortunate to have her, but she won’t budge.

She’s just 20 lbs away from ultimate happiness and she knows that losing 20 lbs is very achievable. How comforting for her to know that the perfect life is in reach … just a few more pounds to go.

A little history: She escaped from a bad marriage that caused her trauma. I think the fear of repeating that trauma has manifested in her “if only” statement. Sometimes when we use “if only” it’s our way of explaining to ourselves why we are avoiding taking action to achieve our hearts desire. If we take actions, we might fail. The potential real life rejection is so unpalatable that we choose the fantasy of future happiness over true joy.

She retired last year and opened a coffee shop in a small town across the country. When I visited her, she described her “Hallmark moment” featuring her dream man. “He’ll walk into [my shop]. The moment I pour his coffee we’ll know that we’ve found each other.” Sigh.

I believe her. Without knowing it, she is asking the universe directly for what she wants and taking action.

Please cross your fingers for her, too. Call me a romantic, but I believe that soulmates are like magnates to each other. I am hopeful that her soulmate loves coffee. He will definitely love her just the way she is!

Dating at 50 – pre-game

Reflecting back.

I was alone. I had started a construction project and was sitting on my stripped plywood floor. Living in that moment was stark, but felt clean and new. I was at the end of my self-imposed 6 month break from men and about to begin my search for my soulmate. If he existed, I planned to find him.

I’d read that if you want to find the man of your dreams, you have to be very specific about what you want. I sharpened my pencil and wrote:

Dear Universe,

I spent my life raising a family and working hard at my career. I am happy with my life but I have one wish. Please help me find my soulmate. He is handsome, clever, mentally and physically fit, kind and very generous. I will love him exactly the way he is and he will love me exactly as I am.

Thank you.

I lit a candle and meditated as it burned. With closed eyes I concentrated on my wish, making sure that I knew exactly who I was looking for. After ten minutes, I reached for my phone and downloaded Bumble.