Tag: soulmate

BEAUTY after 50: How you look at me

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I think our time is best spent finding someone that you think is beautiful, who thinks you are special too. Someone who will fill your heart, your soulmate. Then tell them.

I am so grateful for you in my life.

All the big and small things you do.

Most important: how you love me, how you hold me, how you kiss me, how you look at me.

Popular taste in beauty changes over time. I stood in the antique store staring at this post card, captivated by 1907’s definition of beauty and how much that definition had changed in just over 100 years.

Margueritte B. Frey was chosen in a National Contest by the Chicago Tribune where they spent $100,000 to find her. Margueritte was 29 years old and earning $104 a year working in a bank. She was described as blonde with a pink and white complexion. She was 5’9″ and 10 stone (140 lbs). And she was intelligent, having graduated from Denver East High School. I couldn’t find anything on the prize she collected or what happened to her after 1907, but I hope it was wonderful.

PS – I bought the post card.

Love and a coffee shop

She’s a former homecoming queen with long natural blond hair, a contagious laugh, and startlingly beautiful royal blue eyes. She has an MBA, makes friends easily and just retired from a successful career culminating as Chief Financial Officer. Other people dream of having her life, but she feels alone.

Why? She doesn’t believe that she is pretty enough to attract her dream man. She says, “This isn’t my body. When I am thinner, I will go on a dating site and find my dream man. ” I tell her that any man would be fortunate to have her, but she won’t budge.

She’s just 20 lbs away from ultimate happiness and she knows that losing 20 lbs is very achievable. How comforting for her to know that the perfect life is in reach … just a few more pounds to go.

A little history: She escaped from a bad marriage that caused her trauma. I think the fear of repeating that trauma has manifested in her “if only” statement. Sometimes when we use “if only” it’s our way of explaining to ourselves why we are avoiding taking action to achieve our hearts desire. If we take actions, we might fail. The potential real life rejection is so unpalatable that we choose the fantasy of future happiness over true joy.

She retired last year and opened a coffee shop in a small town across the country. When I visited her, she described her “Hallmark moment” featuring her dream man. “He’ll walk into [my shop]. The moment I pour his coffee we’ll know that we’ve found each other.” Sigh.

I believe her. Without knowing it, she is asking the universe directly for what she wants and taking action.

Please cross your fingers for her, too. Call me a romantic, but I believe that soulmates are like magnates to each other. I am hopeful that her soulmate loves coffee. He will definitely love her just the way she is!

I need you. A lesson in trust

Last week he asked me to need him.
Needing him terrifies me.
He asked me to trust him.
I looked into his blue eyes.
I said, “I want to need you. I’m afraid.”

He tucked my head under his chin and squeezed my shoulders.
He said, “I would never hurt you.”

I said, “I need you.”
He said, “I need you. I love you.”

This week he hurt me.

He went off the grid to the mountains with his ex-wife and teenage children. He knew about the trip when he promised not to hurt me. Rather than explain, he was blunt and cold.

His last words were, “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Not my bed. The bed in guestroom at his ex wife’s house.

Then no contact for thirty six hours.

My phone rang.
He was calling from his ex wife’s house.
A short forty minute drive from me.

I felt vulnerable.
I thought that if we could just press our hearts together for a moment,
our connection would repair the abandonment I felt.

I asked him to stop by for a few minutes.
He said, “No, not tonight.”

I asked if I could come to him.
I just needed him to spare a few minutes.
He said, “No.”

I begged.
He said, “No.”

He said that hearing his car leave would hurt his ex and kids.
He couldn’t do that to them.

He didn’t say it with words, but he meant that he needed them to believe that I was less important to him.

Not hearing his car hurt me.
I was less important.

I dropped to my knees in my kitchen.
Gripping the phone.
Tears pooling on my hardwood floor.

“Why ask me to need you, if I am not your priority?”

He said for the first time, “This is the last time.”

He said, “You are my priority. I love you so much.”

I hope he means it.

LIFE HACK: Lean on me

I couldn’t resist taking this picture at Laguardia outside the Southwest terminal. It’s not staged. These are real people living life their way.

BA had been on a conference call for 2 hours trying to close a tax equity deal. As I sat by myself feeling neglected I looked up and saw this sleeping couple. The universe sends us beautiful messages when we need a boost of inspiration.

LIFE HACK: have your man turn his back to you to create a nice angled space for you to rest your head. A cashmere coat is a plus!